


Ephemeral

by Royal_Arcthunder



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27077323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Royal_Arcthunder/pseuds/Royal_Arcthunder
Summary: Nicholas is a part of the Normandy crew and was tasked to keep an eye on Commander Shepard's recovery progress. Leaving the Alliance after the Collector attack and working with Cerberus to stop the Collectors. Shepard with Nick and the rest of the crew have to save the galaxy one more time.This will be a re-telling of the events of ME2&3 with my OC part of the OG Normandy crew.I've had enough smut only in the Miranda tag it's my turn now. Maybe, writing is hard and I'm not the greatest.I also don't have someone to check for mistakes or anything so sorry in advance.
Relationships: Male Shepard/Ashley Williams, OC/Miranda Lawson
Kudos: 5





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> OC: Nicholas Dawson  
> Age: 27  
> Class: Sentinel
> 
> Being assigned to the SSV Normandy Nick fought along side it's crew to save the council and citadel against the Reaper attack. Leaving the Alliance after the Collector attack with the death of the Commander heavy on his conscious. He was reached out by Liara to become an agent of hers as a new information broker. Nicholas accepted the job and together began investigating the Reapers and their possible attack in the future more closely. Not trusting Cerberus Liara entrusted Nick to overlook the Lazarus project on her behalf and later help Commander Shepard defeat the collectors.

_(months before the events of Mass Effect 2)_

Nicholas walked calmly through the quiet halls of the Lazarus project facility. It has been over a year since events transpired that got him here. Distracting himself from those memories he begins to read the day's tasks from his data pad. Skimming through it it has not changed much since he joined Cerberus. They all had one reason for being here. To bring Commander Shepard back. Deep in his thoughts he failed to notice someone join him on his walk to the lab.

“Headed to the lab I’m assuming?” the male voice questioned.

Nicholas caught off guard turns to look towards the voice. Jacob is looking at him with a questioning look but doesn’t add more to his question.

Nicholas drops his pad to his side and sighs.

“Where else could I possibly be going, Jacob? Not like I want to do anything else but this” he says as they continue walking through the facility.

Jacob gives a short chuckle at that “We could always ask the Illusive Man to give you a Cerberus assignment if you want to spice things up”

“No thank you. I prefer not doing questionable things.” Nick said pointedly. “Though I do agree doing the same thing has become...boring. It feels wrong to say considering what is at stake but it has.” He explains with a look of guilt.

“Alright how about this” Jacob pipes up “Come with me for some training it’s been awhile since you’ve seen some combat right? The rate Miranda and Wilson are working on bringing the Commander back I’m sure you can spare a few minutes.”

Apprehensive and conflicted Nicholas thinks on this. “I trust Miranda to an extent but Wilson...he just gives me weird vibes don’t you think?”

Jacob contemplates for a moment “I can see where you think that but maybe that’s just the Alliance soldier in you talking?” He implies heavily that he means no offense by his accusation.

Nick nods “Yeah maybe it’s just that you’re right. Still feels weird being here with people who I once would consider enemies.” He looks around to the few people walking past them as they begin their work day.

“Well this isn’t like any other Cerberus operation. Just think about what I said the offer still stands.” Jacob pats Nick on the shoulder as he splits ways with him.

Nicholas continues his journey to the lab when he eventually reaches it. He quietly makes his way to his usual spot exchanging hellos to other Cerberus personnel along the way. It’s moments like this that he begins to miss the Normandy crew. Though a small group they were they were practically a second family for him and they accomplished so much in their time together. He wears a fond smile as he greets Miranda and Wilson.

“Good morning Ms.Lawson, Wilson” he nods towards the man’s direction.

Wilson nods in return but not much else comes out of him as he returns to what he was doing.

“Nicholas “ Miranda looks towards him “You seem to be later than usual.” she states rather firmly.

Looking towards his omni-tool to look at the time he notices that he is merely a few minutes late compared to his usual time.

“It’s only been a few minutes I doubt you needed me for it.” He gives a small laugh not understanding the issue in his tardiness.

She turns away from her work to give him another scrutinizing gaze “A few minutes could be wait makes or breaks this project.” she stops before continuing “You of all people should understand the importance of a few minutes.” she says softly and directly.

Nicholas could feel the back of his neck begin to heat up as anger began to manifest in himself. He hates how right she is but he feels equally as frustrated because he isn’t doing anything to truly help either. He was put here by Liara to make sure Cerberus didn’t do anything too crazy and to keep her updated. He balls his hands into fist as he raises from his chair.

“Lawson I absolutely understand but you need to remember I don’t do anything here truly. I am here to keep an eye on you all and that is it. I can be late when you are still preparing for the day.” He manages to get out as he tries to calm himself.

“You are making a big deal of such a small thing.” He exclaims his voice rising slightly.

Miranda doesn’t turn away from what she is doing and explains “All I was saying was for you to be more timely Nicholas. That is all.”

Wilson feeling the tension rising in the room speaks up “Alright we don’t need this right now. You-” he points towards Nicholas and then to the door “ go cool off we don’t need a fight breaking out here. You biotics can do some crazy damage when you’re angry so scram.”

At the mention of biotics he could feel his flaring up. Quickly his anger drops, not realizing how upset that simple comment made him. He looks towards Wilson and then Miranda and began making his way towards the door. Not a single glance back or words of departure he makes his way towards the training ground to go find Jacob.

____________________________________

“Jacob!”

At hearing his name he turns towards Nick who is quickly making his way to him.

“Hey so are you taki- whoa ok what happened?” He asks as Nicholas rushes past him to the training gear. Only hearing him mutter to himself. Jacob follows trying to figure out the sudden mood change.

“Uh Earth to Nick mind telling me what’s going on with you?” he questions.

Frustratingly trying to put on some armor Nick looks towards Jacob.

“Miranda is what happened.” Jacob just lets out a noise of understanding.

“Alright what did she say and or do.”

“She brought up the attack on the Normandy alright!” Nick yells with pain in his voice.

“She said that I should know how important a few minutes can be. Like I don’t tell myself that every single day and she brought it up for what Jacob?! Just because I was late to their preparations?! Make me understand here!” His says as his breathing becomes heavier with every question.

“Whoa alright man breathe with me here.” Jacob places a hand on Nick’s shoulder and begins to run him through a breathing exercise. Once he feels like he has calmed down enough he continues.

“I’m sure she meant well. I mean did she explicitly bring it up or like what exactly did she say to you. Because I mean I wouldn’t put it past her but I’m just trying to understand what happened here.”

Nicholas thinks back for a moment still doing the breathing exercise and speaks up “I mean she didn’t out right say it but I mean what else could she be referring to Jacob? There haven't been many things going on.”

Jacob just rubs his head in slight frustration “Look I can’t say much because I wasn’t there but all I can do is give advice.” he says as he turns to look down to him.

“Number One just ignore it. Obviously I don’t mean to ignore everything she says but Miranda can just be like that and it’s best not to let it get to you.”

“And number two whenever it gets to be too much for you just come to me. We’ll figure something out.” he gives a reassuring smile.

Nicholas finishes up putting on the armor and looks to Jacob.

“Thank you Jacob.” he lets outs a sigh. “Mind if we spar now I think I could really use it.”

Jacob chuckles and gets in a fighting position. “Yeah you do Dawson. Show me what you got”

____________________________________

The rest of the day goes smoothly. Nicholas later returned to the lab after his sparring session with Jacob it being the very much needed outlet. He sat quietly observing Miranda and Wilson working. Though he himself has some medical experience what these two are doing goes far beyond his knowledge. To say he is impressed is an understatement. He is grateful that these people exist and are here to help his friend come back. When he had returned neither acknowledged his presence as they were busy. Which he was fine with he didn’t feel like talking anyway.

He watched both of them closely.

Miranda works with such confidence and determination it could be frightening. Her eyes almost unblinking, she moves around the lab with such ease that he would think she’s done something like this before. He still feels awkward over their previous “conversation” if one can even call it that.

Wilson on the other hand looks like he struggles to keep up with Miranda. He’s seen the man become frustrated with the orders he gets given but begrudgingly does. Nick still stands by the fact that this man gives him weird vibes. Truly the only reason why he keeps his eyes on him more than Miranda.

As the day was drawing to a close and everyone was beginning to prepare to call it a day Nicholas waited patiently wanting to speak to Miranda privately once Wilson and any one else was out of ear shot.

“Wilson you can go now I have the rest of this handled.” Miranda ordered as she began shutting a few machines off.

“Yeah? Alright.” and with that Wilson headed towards the door giving a backwards glance towards her with a raised brow before leaving the lab.

Once the door closed the door it grew quiet. The only sounds were the beeps coming from the machines that were still left active and Miranda arranging things on their desks to have them prepped for the next day.

He stands up slowly and suddenly feels anxious about talking to her. He stands there awkwardly for a few seconds before mustering some courage to speak.

“Ms.Lawson.”

Miranda stops what she’s doing and sighs. Her back still towards him.

“How many times need I remind you that calling me Miranda is just fine.”

Nick fidgets where he’s standing a little embarrassed.

“Right sorry I uhm I just wanted to apologize is all.”

At this Miranda turns to look at him with a questioning look.  
“And what are you apologizing for exactly?”

“You know what I’m apologizing for Miranda.” He gives her a serious look.

“The way I reacted the way I acted was unbecoming and I really am sorry.”

Miranda gives him a look that he quite can’t read.

“It’s quite alright Nicholas I...shouldn’t have.” She goes quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry as well.”

Nick has a look of surprise on his face at the apology. Miranda rolls her eyes in almost amusement before going monotone once again.

“I am not prideful where I can not see I may have crossed a line Nicholas.”

“I’ve never seen you as prideful.” Nick proclaims “Sure you’re confident but you have reason to be.”

Miranda gives him a quizzical look “Thank you Nicholas.”

“How many times do I have to tell you Lawson that you can call me Nick” He says with a smile.

Miranda huffs and dawns a small smile as she turns away from him “Of course.”

Nick walks to her to where he is standing at her side.

“If you don’t mind, is there anything I can do to actually help? If you don’t mind that is?”

Miranda raises a brow at him “That was fast. You are quick to forgive and forget.”

Nick shines a smile at her “Can’t move forward with people if I don’t besides you’re not a bad person.”

Miranda looks to him almost like she’s analyzing him and trying to figure him out. Nick shifts nervously not understanding why she is looking at him like that.

“Hmm very well you can leave and we’ll start giving you proper assignments tomorrow.”  
Nick gives a nod and begins to make his way out the lab.

“Have a good night Miranda and I won’t be late tomorrow.” and with that he leaves.

A few moments pass and Miranda quietly mumbles to herself.

“Good night Nick.”


	2. The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter will be essentially the beginning of Mass Effect 2.  
> An attack to the Lazarus facility, meeting an old friend, and embarking on their new adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Commander John Shepard  
> Class: Engineer  
> Origin: Spacer  
> Background: Sole Survivor
> 
> Look wise this will be the default Commander and he will probably have more to him background wise than he does in the game. 
> 
> Once again I do not have any one to proofread any of this so I apologize in advance.

Location: Lazarus Station  
Year: 2185  
Horse Head Nebula

Nicholas had retreated to his room for the day. According to Miranda and Wilson the Commander has shown signs of consciousness and figured he would wake up soon.

As he was making himself comfortable getting out of his work gear and into his nightly attire his mind wandered. The fact that the Commander was this close to coming back was surreal. He felt a heavy weight of guilt wash over him as he started recalling the events that lead to where they are now.

The feeling of helplessness and sheer panic as both he and Jeff looked out the escape pod and could see the Commander slowly begin falling to the planet beneath them. The shallow breaths that Shepard took as his oxygen began depleting. The very last noise both could hear as soon as Shepard went silent, the line going dead. The only noise was that of Nick’s screams and banging on the escape pod. Desperate. Pleading. Jeff sitting on one of the seats silent. Disbelief on his face, hands shaking. Jeff silently crying to himself. Nick sobbing loudly. Grief striking the both of them as they saw their Commander, their friend, and his last moments.

Nick snaps back into the present. Heavy breathing as he was still mid change. A cold shiver ran down his body.. He bends down to the ground forgetting the shirt and tossing it absentmindedly not caring where it lands. He tries to steady his breathing. Sweat dripping down his forehead as he props himself with both hands on the ground. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes. He quietly begins to sob to himself as he still attempts to calm himself.

“2 years” he thinks to himself 

“2 bloody years and he's almost back.” he punches the ground hard, not enough to cause bleeding or a fractured bone. Just enough to feel something.

“Please be ok. Please forgive me. It should have been me. I should have tried harder.” his cries becoming stronger, nearly choking him in grief.

“I’m so sorry.” these thoughts repeating themselves in his head. Eventually he does settle though the weight never goes away. He finally begins to settle and attempts to rest for the day. Mind racing but eventually sleep overtakes him.  
____________________________________

Nicholas jolts awake at the sensation of rumbling and alarms blaring. He looks around his room and notices he’s safe for the moment where he is and rushes to where his gear is and quickly begins changing.

As he is doing so he brings up his omni-tool he calls Miranda. She doesn’t answer instantly and he can feel his heart beating faster. Worry and panic begin encompassing him but before they could truly set in she answers.

“Nick ----- shuttle-----there----attack------Shepard” is all he could make out before their connection dropped. 

With as much haste as he can muster he gathers everything and anything he will truly need and heads out making his way towards the shuttles.

So many dead as he rushes through the facility. The smell of smoke and blood covering the area. Explosions are still happening throughout the facility as far as he could tell. His tech armor active glowing an orange hue and pistol in hand he manages to fend off a few of the LOKI mechs along the way avoiding the big YMIR ones not wanting to take his chances with them. 

He eventually arrives at the shuttle bay noticing the absence of mechs. He treads carefully as he makes his way through. Pistol up eyes and ears in all directions for any sudden movement. Once he reaches the shuttle bay door he begins to open it and is met with a pistol in front of him. Looking past it he sees Miranda unscathed and a sigh of relief leaving her as she brings her pistol to her side.

“Glad to see you managed to get her in one piece.” She says as she looks past him keeping a lookout for anything that may wish them harm.

“Yeah considering I could barely understand most of what you said I consider myself pretty lucky.” he gives a small smile as he looks around looking for anyone else.

“Where is everyone? Where’s Shepard?!” he asks almost frantically, beginning to turn back towards the facility. 

He feels her arm on his shoulder stopping him from going any further.

“He’s on his way here. I don’t need you acting like a hero at the moment you leaving could compromise our position to any mechs that may be lurking around do you understand.” she tightens her grip on him and gives him a serious expression of do not disobey me.

He looks at her and changes towards the doors from the other side of the facility and back to Miranda. 

“Alright.” he accepts begrudgingly wanting to go look for Shepard but she’s right he can’t risk everything. Not yet anyway. A look of determination dawns his face as Miranda watches. 

Scowling slightly Miranda begins to shut the bay doors.

“Wait w-what are you doing?!” Looking towards her in confusion not understanding what she is attempting to do with this stunt.

“If Shepard is half as capable as his reports say this shouldn’t be an issue. This is not only for our safety but for his.” she continues securing the door not even glancing towards him. 

“Wilson hacked security and is trying to take Shepard. He tried to get rid of me by sending a squad of mechs to take me out since I’m the only one who knew he was responsible for all of this.” The doors finally shut and she seems to relax slightly.

“Now do you understand.” 

Nick nods. “Yes sorry for questioning your motives. I should’ve known better.”

“I’m Cerberus you don’t have much reason to trust me.” she crosses her arms standing by the doors waiting for the others to arrive.

“Well considering you didn’t shoot me when you had the chance just now I think that should have been more than enough of a reason to trust you.” he goes to stand on the other side of the preparing himself.

“Oh and bringing Shepard back too I guess that’s also pretty big.” he jokingly says trying to make the situation a little lighter.

She doesn’t say anything as her eyes are trained to the door but he can swear he heard a light chuckle. Satisfied with the response he smiles to himself as they both stand there waiting for two different reasons.  
____________________________________

Minutes pass both sets of eyes trained on the door no words between them as they wait with bated breath for the doors to unlock. Suddenly they hear a voice on the other side. Wilson. Miranda looks towards Nick and both simultaneously draw their pistols. 

Finally the doors open and the look of shock appears on his face as he notices Miranda standing on the other side.

“Miranda I thought you were-” before he could finish she shoots him straight through the head even taking Nick by surprise.

“Miranda what did you do that for?” the familiar voice of Jacob as he walks up clearly surprised by what she just did.

“My job.” she answers coldly. “Wilson would have killed us all.” 

Nick nearly drops his weapon as he looks to Jacob’s left and sees a living, breathing Commander John Shepard.

Shepard at first almost doesn’t notice him as he was also taken aback by what just happened before them. 

“Is that your idea of due processing?” Shepard sternly exclaims before he finally takes notice of Nicholas.

“Commander…” Nick whispers barely loud enough for them all to hear. Pistol weakly hanging from his arm on his side. Mouth slightly agape as he just looks at Shepard. 

“Dawson what are you doing here?” Shepard asks as he looks between them all lowering his own weapon but keeping his eyes on Miranda with distrust.

“Uhhm it’s a long story Commander.” he snaps back to his senses remembering the situation they are in.

“We need to go Commander if you don’t trust them can you at least trust me.”  
Shepard, seeing that he has not much choice agrees.

“We should check if there are any more survivors, we can’t just leave them.”

Miranda pipes up calmly “Any remaining survivors should have made it here we are the only ones left.”

“You don’t know that!” Shepard steps up almost challengingly towards her.

“She’s right. We all knew the risk when we signed up on this project Commander.” Jacob steps in between the both of them blocking Shepard’s path towards Miranda.

He glances towards Nick waiting for his response.

His eyes trained to the ground he raises them to lock eyes with the Commander.

“I tried Commander. Believe me if I could save them they would’ve been here.” Nicholas states mournfully. Both of them knowing what it is like not being able to save everyone and the toll it does to people like them. 

Shepard grunts in frustration but gives in.

“Fine but I wanna have a talk with your Illusive Man.” he looks at Miranda with hardened eyes.

At the mention of the Illusive Man she changes her gaze towards Jacob.

“I didn’t think lying to the Commander would help him trust us.” Jacob says defensively.

Miranda just sighs “C’mon then he’s expecting you regardless if you have any questions as him once we get there.”

She begins walking towards the shuttle as Jacob soon follows leaving Shepard and Nick in the back.

“Do you trust them?” Shepard pulls up next to Nick both of them still looking in the direction where the Cerberus operatives went.

Nick thinks hard on this knowing they were trustworthy people but just working with the wrong crows or at least in his eyes that’s how he sees it. He decides to be as honest as he can be.

“To be honest Commander I don’t know myself truly but I will say yes when it comes to certain things. Yes you can trust them.” Nick looks towards Shepard as he responds with nothing but pure honesty showing. 

Shepard nods and begins to go board the shuttle with Nick following suit.

____________________________________

The journey to the second facility nearby was not too far off from where the Minuteman station to contact the Illusive man recided. Miranda did not waste time to question the Commander to make sure everything including his memories were functioning properly. Once he realized that 2 years had passed since he “died” he was in shock not truly believing what he was hearing. Nicholas himself however was paying them no mind trapped in his own thoughts. Feeling anxiety rear its ugly head now that the Commander is sitting next to him.

Miranda has been watching him as soon as she was done questioning the Commander due to Jacob’s request. He had a point however overloading Shepard with too much information could do more harm than good to him at the moment. 

She sat there arms and legs crossed watching the both of them across from her. She noticed the Commander had slight scars due to his cybernetics not fully healing. She blames Wilson for that one and has no regrets on ending him quickly. Shepard seems to be far in his thoughts, probably trying to wrap his head around everything that was just told to him but he surprisingly seems calm considering.

Nicholas on the other hand was easier to read and she knew this. The man wears his heart on his sleeve and has she abused this knowledge in the previous 2 years, yes. It made things easier when talking or deciding to bring certain topics up with him. She can clearly tell that he wants to speak with the Commander right now for instance. Reading Nick’s profile when he first joined the Lazarus project and his outburst a few months ago she is very aware how much the death of the Commander affected him. Now that he is right next to him she can see the cogs turning in his mind on how to approach him.

They soon near the station and all dismount from the shuttle and make their way towards communications. Miranda points the Commander down a set of stairs for him to speak with the Illusive Man while the rest wait where they are. As Shepard makes his way to go speak to him, Jacob heads towards the entrance to wait for instructions, Miranda goes to one of the computers nearby, and Nicholas is left standing in the middle watching the Commander depart. Words caught in his throat as he struggles to speak them.  
Nick awkwardly shifts in pace not quite knowing what to do. He takes his eyes away from the direction the Commander left and notices Miranda staring at him. With a gesture of her head she tells him to come to her. He makes his way towards her wondering what she has to say to him.

“Miranda.” he stands behind the computer as she looks up at him, taking her eyes off the screen.

“Nicholas.”

“What’s up?” he questions puzzled.

“So you can speak, I thought a cat might have caught your tongue there.”

He blushes slightly in embarrassment not realizing she noticed his struggle with speaking back at the shuttle.

“Yes well…” he doesn’t know what else he can say to that. She’s not wrong but he doesn’t know where she wants to go with this talk. “Sorry about that I guess”

Miranda arcs an eyebrow “You are apologizing to me for what exactly?”

“I-I don’t know?” he stammers with utter confusion.

Miranda sighs and clears her throat.

“You’re fine Nicholas, that was just my poor attempt on making sure you were alright.”

He leans his head to the side slightly at that and loses some of the nervousness he had.

“Oh I didn’t realize…” he chose to finish the rest of his sentence and just looks at her with wonder.

She looks back down to her screen to continue what she was doing.

“We need you to be clear headed for whatever next we are about to do of course I needed to check on you.” 

Nick tries not to have the look of disappointment show on his face. He truly thought that maybe after all this time she would consider him a friend at the least but maybe he was being too hopeful. 

He clears his throat to continue speaking.

“Right, no I'll be good don’t worry Ms.Lawson. I won’t let it affect me on missions.” and with that he gives a nod and walks towards some seats closer to Jacob and decides to wait for what comes next not noticing sympathetic eyes following him as he walks away.

As he sits there for a while deep in his thoughts a voice speaks up.

“You doing alright man?” Jacob leans on the guard rail facing towards Nick.

He looks up towards Jacob and nods.

“I’m doing a lot better thanks for asking. I was just shocked I guess.”

“Assuming the attack was your alarm for the day huh?” 

Nick laughs slightly at that “It was effective I’ll give it that.” Nick comes to a realization and stands up extending a hand towards Jacob. Jacob looks at the outstretched hand confused.

“Thanks. For saving the Commander.” 

Jacob laughs and shakes the hand before waving him off.

“Nah man I couldn’t let 2 years of hard work go to waste. Ya know Miranda would’’ve killed us.” he said jokingly going back to leaning on the rail trying to liven up the mood.

“You might be right Taylor we couldn’t have had that now.” he jokingly says in return

“You know I can hear you both.” they hear Miranda speak up and they chuckle to themselves and throw halfhearted apologies her way as she just rolls her eyes at their antics.

____________________________________

Their orders were clear: head to Freedom's Progress, find out what happened to the Colonist, and report back their findings. What they weren’t expecting was finding more mechs on a killer rampage and bumping into an old friend.

As the four of them entered the building they came face to face with a group of quarians. Everyone instantly drew guns at the ready assuming hostile until a voice broke through the chaos. 

‘Weapons down!” as Tali roughly lowered her mens weapons as she turned to look towards the new arrivals. 

“Commander Shepard is that you?” She asked in disbelief her arms still slightly raised to make sure her team doesn’t do anything rash. 

“Hey Tali.” Shepard offered a smile “Did that Geth data help you with your pilgrimage?” As he also waves down his crew to stand down. Though tensions are still high there is a small truce for the moment.

“It did, thank you Commander. Prazza, everyone it’s alright this is the real Commander Shepard.” She turns around to reassure them that they are no threat to them.

“Why is your old Commander working for Cerberus?” Prazza asks as he and the other put their weapons away for good this time.

“I’m not sure we can just ask him.” The heat of the moment finally fizzing out, she takes a good look at Shepard’s crew and sees another familiar face among them.

“Nick?” she says with absolute befuddlement in her voice and even without seeing her face he could that her face matched her tone.

Nicholas awkwardly waves in her direction noticing all eyes are trained on him and he shifts in discomfort not knowing where to look.

“Hey Tali.” he gives her a nervous smile looking towards her slightly before looking as quickly away.

“Alllright now I’m even more curious as to why the both of you are with Cerberus?” She looks between both Shepard and Nicholas waiting for one of them to answer.

“Can’t talk about specifics but we’re here to investigate the disappearance of the colonist have you found anything out Tali?” 

“No not yet we’re actually looking for one of our own. He was here on his pilgrimage and we saw him but well let’s just say he wasn’t in the mood to talk.” 

Prazza steps up from behind her.

“What she means is that he suffered a suit rupture plus other damages to his suit; he is most likely delirious at this point to where talking isn’t effective.” Tali sighs and begins to speak once more.

“He’s right. Veetor locked himself somewhere in the far side of town and we suspect he’s responsible for the mechs.”

“This Veetor might know what happened to these colonists.” Shepard states.

“We should work together to get to him faster.” he suggests but this however did not land well with some of the Quarian members of Tali’s team.

Tali and Prazza begin to have a small disagreement with the suggestion as the others look on. She eventually puts her foot down reminding him she is in charge of this mission and if he is so discontent with the suggestion to go wait. That puts out the fire in Prazza and he agrees with the temporary alliance though he is still displeased. At the obvious hostility between them and Cerberus Shepard decides to ask them about what he missed out on that could make them dislike Cerberus so much. He has his own reasons but he is rather curious as to why they do. 

Tali tells them about how Cerberus attacked a ship of theirs since they were looking for someone residing with the Quarian fleet. At hearing this Shepard simply nodded in understanding while Jacob tried making their side more clear as to why certain things happened. Nick looks towards Miranda as all of this is happening with a look of anger but with something else underneath she can’t quite pinpoint. She gives a challenging look back towards him. He looks away with the angry expression still on his face. 

They all eventually part ways as Shepard’s group and Tali’s try to find Veetor. There was a tension in the air as they continued on with the mission. Prazza and the rest of the Quarians, not trusting Cerberus, pushed on ahead against Tali’s orders and found themselves killed or severely injured by a YMIR mech that was killing anything in it’s sight. Skillfully and quickly Shepard and tow managed to take care of the threat.

Managing to only get a few scrapes and reassuring Tali it was dealt with she informed them of Veetor’s location. As they began walking to go find him NIcholas offers to assist any of the injured Quarians in her care. Attending a wounded Tali tries to decline the offer insisting she has it covered but the look on his face she knew declining was not going to deter him from helping. She agrees.

As they leave Nick begins to tend one of the nearby Quarians. Kneeling next to them he asks them if it is alright for him to tend to them. He can hear them coughing as they turn to Tali. She gives them a reassuring nod.

“He is a friend, not Cerberus, you can trust him.” She softly speaks towards them as she finishes up with the one she was healing and moves onto the next.

The Quarian looks back towards Nicholas who is at the ready waiting for an answer.

“Yes.” A weak and raspy response comes from them as they begin to relax as Nicholas quickly begins to apply the medi-gel he has.

Working together both Tali and Nicholas manage to heal the injured as the other Quarians bring their shuttle in to load the injured on. Few words were exchanged between the two but as soon as they were done loading everyone on board Tali speaks up.

“We should go check on them; they haven’t come out of there with Veetor yet.” 

Worry apparent in her voice as she briskly walks towards the building where Veetor and the others are. Nicholas follows suit, still silent only speaking a few words to those he tended to. Tali wants to check on him but one of her people is currently in a room with Cerberus operatives whomst she does not trust.

As they arrive they find them discussing among themselves as Tali breathes a sigh of relief at seeing Veetor unharmed. They collectively begin to talk about what they discovered to the new arrivals. The collectors are behind the attacks on colonies out on the Terminus systems and Veetor has managed to gather data on them. Somehow managing to avoid being detected. There was a small scuffle between the Quarians and Cerberus as the Operatives wanted to take in Veetor for questioning while Tali offered to give the intel Veetor had gathered but she would take him back to the Flotilla.

With a bit of small talk between Shepard and Tali occurred before coming to a consensus. They came to find out that she was being sent out by the Migrant Fleet for some missions she deemed were too important to speak of in front of Cerberus. Not wanting to push further on the topic and Tali’s inability to join them Shepard relented. Veetor eventually going off with Tali and the mission complete they all returned to talk about their findings to the Illusive Man.

____________________________________

The ride back was met with questions and theories mostly exchanged between all of them besides Nicholas. As he watched them all converse the feeling of betrayal was not leaving him. To only find out now that Cerberus attacked the home of a close of friends didn’t sit well with him. Arms crossed he kept his sights outside of the shuttle. Looking at the vast majority of stars pass by as they soon approached Minuteman station.

As soon as the Commander left to go report the Illusive Man of what happened at Freedom’s Progress blue eyes met blue.

“I know you’ve been itching to talk about things Nicholas please do share.” Miranda stands with confidence and resolve

Jacob looks between the both of them standing a few feet away unsure.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Both of you?!” Nick's eyes flicker between Jacob and Miranda. 

Jacob has the decency to look somewhat guilty while Miranda has the same expression as before if not a little irritated.

“What good would that have done Nicholas?” She gives a stern expression towards Nick who is still wearing the look of betrayal on his face.

“You understand that the Lazarus Project came before anything else. What other divisions do could not distract from our priority of bringing Shepard back.”

Nick shakes his head in denial.

“It’s the fact that you knew. I knew you wouldn’t tell me” he says towards Miranda.

“But you Jacob, why didn’t you tell me about this. I expect this from her but you?”

“He knew there was no point to-” Jacob interrupts her while stepping forward.

“I can speak for myself Miranda.” He gives a respectful nod before continuing.

“Look I get that Tali is your friend and all but Miranda is right.” 

Nicholas huffs and rolls his eyes at this because of course.

“Hey man listen what would you have done if we did tell you? Nothing exactly so I get why you’re upset but it’s over and done with not much else we can do.” 

Nicholas still looks at them both with a look of agitation not satisfied with their answers.

“You’re asking us why we didn’t tell you Nicholas. Why don’t you ask your Asari friend why she didn’t tell you either.” Miranda gives a challenging look after what she has said.

Nick’s fire instantly dies as he slouches in defeat. Now realizing that she may have a point of Liara knowing what happened with Cerberus and Tali’s people and not telling him anything. He goes quiet.

“Miranda.” Jacob gives her a chastising look.

She shrugs in response knowing this conversation is over. Jacob just walks over and pats Nicholas on the shoulder as he goes to wait for the Commander’s return.

____________________________________

The Illusive Man gave them their orders. Collect the people on the dossiers and prepare them to go up against the Collectors. Save humanity at any cost.

Everyone else went ahead of Nick though he had gotten over their previous conversation and asked for a moment on his own. The others obliged saying they’ll call for him when they depart. He sat on the nearby chairs with his omni-tool out.

He knows he needs to report what is going on to Liara but there is someone else who deserves to know that the Commander is back. He knows Ashley and Shepard were an item back in their Normandy days but ever since the Commander’s passing Nick could never look her in the eye. The last they spoke was at the vigil they threw for Shepard. Him just apologizing not knowing what else to say. 

It isn’t his place to tell her. Nicholas sends the message of the Commander being back to Liara. Not really in the mood to talk Liara knows how to reach him if she does. With that he rises from where he was sitting and heads over to meet with the others to set off into their newest mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry if towards the end things seemed weird. I never realized how hard it was going to be to balance in game dialogue and my own stuff. Please if you have any advice or suggestions let me know. Thank you for giving this your time I appreciate it :)


	3. Past and Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicholas gets comfortable on his first day aboard the new Normandy. Conversations will be had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait I genuinely don't know what I'm doing but I am trying my best to figure it out. This is a project I want to see through till the very end no matter how long it takes. I am trying to figure out the pacing because I'm assuming people have played the games to understand but I don't want to leave anything out that may confuse people who haven't. This is very hard and I thank you for your patience!

Location: Normandy SR-2

Year: 2185

Horse Head Nebula

Walking back into the Normandy gave Nicholas the strongest sense of deja vu. As he gazed around taking in his surroundings he noticed the differences and similarities between the two ships. The feeling of nostalgia set in as he stepped foot into the vessel that he lost so long ago. He skimmed the walls of the airlock with his hand as he walked into the new yet old ship. 

The signs of life were clear. There were others there. Faces he did not recognize but all doing their part to maintain the ship they will be calling their home. It was only a sudden flashback of seeing a destroyed Normandy that he snapped back into the present when he heard his name being called.

Looking to his left he saw a sight for sore eyes. A smile crossed his face as he approached none other than Jeff “Joker” Moreau. Nicholas would usually call Joker by his first name though he insisted he didn’t. Joker looked different to Nick as he began approaching. Besides the very obvious Cerberus uniform he seemed tired yet comfortable as he sat snuggly in his new pilot’s seat aboard their favorite ship.

“Heeeey Nick long time no see.” Joker gave a small wave as his chair swiveled towards Nick.  
  
“Yeah long time. I see you’ve made yourself at home already.” Nick laughs lightly crossing his arms as he leans on a wall finally relaxing slightly.

“I mean come on man you see this?! Leather seats! Listen I know it’s Cerberus and whatever but man do they know how to treat a guy.” He spoke happily patting the arms of his chair in satisfaction. 

Nick stayed silent for a moment letting Jeff enjoy himself debating whether they should have the Shepard talk now or later. He decides later quickly as he looks at Joker’s giddiness of having the Normandy back with new upgrades. He doesn’t want to bring down the nice mood Jeff is currently in.

“I can’t believe they managed to rebuild it and upgrade it even more. I thought the specs were top secret hard to attain stuff.” Nick questioned as he got off the wall and stood a foot or two away from Joker.

“C’mon man it’s Cerberus if these guys could bring back the Commander building a ship is easy stuff to them. Oh and try to bring back the Rachni and do horrible experiments on-”

“Yeah yeah I got the picture Jeff thanks.” 

Before Jeff could speak a feminime voice spoke inside of the cockpit.

[Mr.Moreau though past Cerberus actions are cause to be wary this crew’s mission is to stop the Collectors from abducting any more human colonies.]

“Who was that?” Nick looked around confusedly not recognizing the voice.

“Ughh it’s EDI she’s the ship's new AI.” He said mockingly, waving his hands around to indicate his “excitement”.

“Oh I didn’t know we had one.”

[Hello Mr.Dawson although the previous Normandy did not have an artificial intelligence the Illusive Man thought it wise to have me installed to help not only to maintain the ship but to also be of assistance to Mr.Moreau]

“Hey hey hey I graduated on the top of my class I don’t need any help alright.” Joker said defensively and pointed aggressively as if EDI was in front of him.

“Anyway I think we’re about to head off soon so I should start preparing for launch. We’ll talk later Nick.” 

“Sure thing see you later Jeff”

With that Nicholas waved farewell and headed towards the back of the Normandy soon reaching the elevators. He then realized he didn’t know where he was going. Due to the changes to the build of the ship he was unsure of where things would be. Turning to look around to see if there was anyone that could direct him the right way he noticed a red headed woman standing by the galaxy map who also seemed to notice his confusion.

“You must be Nicholas Ms.Lawson told me you may be the last one to board welcome to or should I say welcome back to the Normandy.” she gave him a warm smile as she turned fully towards him. 

“Thank you Ms.?” 

“Oh! Kelly Chambers. You can call me Kelly. ” She offered her hand. Nicholas accepted the handshake and gave her a small nod.

“Well met Ms.Chambers.”

“Oh there’s no need for formalities you can just call me Kelly if you’d like.” as they finished their handshake she crossed her arms in front of her in a very relaxed way.

“Right Kelly sorry.” he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment and was completely caught off guard by one of ,if not, the nicest Cerberus personnel he’s met.

“If you don’t mind me asking Kelly. Where exactly am I supposed to go? The layout of this Normandy is different to the old one.” 

“I completely understand and will be happy to assist you.” She motions for him to stand next to her. The galaxy map that was in front of them quickly changed to the Normandy's ship layout and Kelly gave him the run down of where things were on the ship. 

“So all you have to do for today is get yourself situated in the crew quarters on the third deck. There should be a bunk with your name on it and then I suggest you check in with our Doctor.”

That piqued his curiosity and he gave her a look of how come.

“Hm? Oh! I’m not saying you should get a checkup or anything I just think you should get to know her. I feel like you’d get along great.” She gives him an encouraging smile. 

Nick gives her another questioning look but returns the smile though not as enthusiastically.  
  
“Alright I’ll do that. I suppose I should do that with all of the new crew. Well I’ll be heading off thanks for the help Kelly.” He waves to her as he begins heading to the elevators.

“No problem and if you need anything else don’t hesitate to ask!” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Reaching the third deck Nick truly realized how much larger this ship was to the old Normandy. He doesn’t think he’ll really get used to it in some sense. He does however find where he will be sleeping in for who knows how long. As there is a plaque that reads N.Dawson on the bottom bed of his shared bunk bed. He looks over it to see who his “roommate” would be and comes across another plaque that reads K.Donnelly. The bed above seems neatly made with the aroma of what he presumes to be alcohol still slightly present. He puts what few belongings he has on his bed he notices a cabinet underneath. Opening he sees that whoever this Donelly person is has already made themselves at home. Finding a bag with what he assumes has their personal belongings in and a bottle of scotch half full tucked next to it. ‘Well that explains the smell.’ He thinks to himself. A few new crew members come and go from the quarters and they exchange short hellos as they pass by. Nick still being in his armor and the feeling of exhaustion coming in quickly changes to his new uniform before hitting the showers.

Feeling refreshed he heads over to where the medical office would be. He stops short before entering. He feels nervous mostly caused by Kelly’s very obvious enthusiasm of him meeting whoever the ship’s Doctor may be. He pushes that feeling down as he presses on and finds himself seeing a familiar figure.

Dr.Chakwas turned around at the sound of the door opening into her office and noticed a slack jawed Nicholas looking at her. She laughed lightly at his reaction. 

“Nick my dear boy how have you been?” She threw her arms over him and brought him into a hug.

Nicholas could feel himself choke up slightly. The Doctor had become like a second mother to him during his time on the Normandy. She taught him some tricks on how to heal out in the field and him being one of the youngest crewmates she tended to coddle him. They grew closer after the Commander’s death as he fell into a deep depression and she was the only person who could truly reach him with her words. Seeing her here was a huge wave of relief. Feeling the Doctor embrace him he hugged tightly in return and pulled away whipping away the few tears that escaped him.

“Doc, what are you doing here? I thought you were with the Alliance?” he asked, his voice breaking slightly. He coughs as he tries to regain his composure.

The Doctor takes his hand into her for a moment and gives it a light squeeze in comfort.

“I was with them for a time but I decided that life was just too boring for me there so here I am.” she explains jokingly. 

He chuckles at that. “Right of course nothing can keep you away from the mayhem that is the Normandy crew even if they tried.”

Chakwas gives one last squeeze before going to sit on her chair and motions for him to sit on the free one across from her. He sits down with no hesitation.

“In all seriousness though. I left for better reasons but the most important one is I heard that Shepard had returned. I could scarcely believe it until I saw him just stroll on into my office not a few moments ago.” A look of peace adorns her face as soon as she began talking about Shepard’s return.

“How have you been dealing with all this?” She asks, giving him a quizzical look.

Nick knows what she’s hinting at and he really hasn’t had the time to properly process everything that has been happening. It’s all being going by so fast he hasn’t had the time to think about it properly especially with the others around. He rubs the back of his neck stumped by the question.

His reaction was enough of a clue for her to understand how he’s being dealing with it.

“I understand you and Jeff both carry the terrible guilt of what happened that day. No matter how many times we’ve tried to tell you both it wasn’t your fault you wouldn’t listen. So stubborn really.” 

Nicholas gave her a confused look at that not knowing how he should react to what she’s saying.

“Yet that same stubbornness brought our friend back. You shouldn’t feel that guilt anymore Nick. I doubt the Commander sees it that way so neither should you.” She explains throwing a sympathetic look in his direction.

Nicholas has since been looking down at the ground underneath him. Taking in the Doctor’s words. They have some truth to them he knows this but even so he just can’t forgive himself for not doing more to save the Commander. He clasps his hands together as he rests them on his knees and squeezes tightly. He knows he’s being stubborn but maybe. Maybe with him being back he can move past this guilt. He really needs to talk to Jeff about this at some point. Raising his head he lets out a sigh and sits up right on his chair.

“I’ll...try Doc. It’s just...hard you know.” 

“I know. Go rest Nicholas you’ve had a long day from what it seems. We can talk some more later”

He stands from his chair and nods at the suggestion.

“Of course and you’re right but there is something I need to do.” 

“What is that if I may ask?”

“I need to apologize to some people.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Nicholas returned back to the second deck of the Normandy asking Kelly where Jacob was aboard. She pointed towards the armory that was conveniently on the same floor. He thanked her and began to make his way towards where Jacob would be. He felt confident enough that this interaction would go smoothly. He was dreading going to Miranda though. She on the other hand. A shiver ran down his body just thinking about it and shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. He’ll deal with her later right now he needs to talk to Jacob.

The sound of the door opening grabbed Jacob’s attention and he noticed a sheepish looking Nick walk in.

“Hey Nick what can I do for you?” Jacob asked over his shoulder as he continued inspecting their weapons.

Nick approached shoving his hands in his pockets and sat slightly on the table in the room. 

“Not much. I just wanted to talk to you actually.” 

Jacob stopped what he was doing and turned to look at him. 

“Look man if it’s about the Quarian thing I-”

Nick raises his hands to stop him.

“No it’s not about that I mean technically yes but it’s not what you think.” 

Jacob leans on his workbench and crosses his arms giving Nick his full attention.

“Alright so what is this about?”

Sighing Nick continues.

“I wanted to apologize for how I’ve been...reacting as of late. I understand why you didn’t wish to tell me about the Quarians and I shouldn’t have been as aggressive as I was with accusing you both. You were both right Shepard had to come first and there was nothing I would’ve been able to do to stop what was happening. So once again I’m sorry.”

Jacob stayed silent for a minute before bursting out in laughter. He threw an arm over Nick and patted him on the shoulder. 

“Man you gotta learn to relax. There’s no need to apologize Miranda and I were in the wrong as well. Though I doubt she’ll see it that way. Regardless, apology accepted I guess. Again you don’t need to do that.” He gave him one final pat before going back to his workbench still laughing slightly.

Nick looks grateful and dumbfounded. He knew this was the easiest one when it came to his apologies but he didn’t know it was going to be that easy. He began chuckling at himself to realize that when it came to Jacob there wasn’t going to be any hard feelings. He was a really understanding guy. Sometimes he forgets Jacob was Alliance before joining Cerberus. 

“Heh yeah sorry for being so serious all the time. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah don’t I know it. So are you gonna go talk to Miranda?”

Nick freezes.

“Thought so. Ooooh boy good luck with that man. I’ll be rooting for you from the safety of this armory.” He chuckles to himself as he watches Nick leave with a look many would call fear.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He’s been pacing in front of Miranda’s office door for the past 5 minutes. Some of the crew have been giving him odd looks but haven’t approached him about what he was doing. Luck must have been on his side since Miranda had not left her office in the time he’s been outside of it which would have caused even more of a scene which is not something he desired.

“C’mon Nick just go in there and apologize, it's not that hard.” He muttered to himself as he stopped his pacing.

‘ _She’s not as terrifying as everyone thinks, you know this, so get it together!_ ’ he yells in his head gathering up the courage to go inside. He took a deep breath and stood tall as he entered her office.

Miranda seemed busy as she sat at her desk not really paying any mind to him as he entered. As he got closer she still hadn’t acknowledged his presence. Nick awkwardly shifts on his feet slightly as he clears his throat to try and get her attention. At the sound she tears her eyes away from her work and looks genuinely surprised it’s Nick in her office. 

“Nicholas I wasn’t expecting you.” She lays her arms on her desk in front of her stopping what she was doing looking up at him with intrigue.

“Oh were you busy I can come back another time. Sorry to have bothered you I’ll just-” Nick rushed the words out as he started walking back towards the door.

“Nicholas.” She said sternly “Sit down.” she ordered.

Halting Nick shut his mouth and proceeded to do as she asked anxiously looking around not making direct eye contact with the woman.

She gave an exasperated sigh. She’s been working with him long enough to know why he’s here. If it were anyone else they wouldn’t apologize and just pretend their altercation never happened but Nicholas. The man tries to do good by everyone and it will come back to hurt him. It is one of his biggest weaknesses but begrudgingly one of his greatest strengths. Not many people have earned her trust like he has. His honesty and genuineness is something hard to come by in their day and age. It’s refreshing almost.

“I know why you’re here and before you say anything else there is no need for apologies please.” She waits for the moment she can make direct eye contact and continues.

“I don’t understand your need to apologize constantly but I am not a fragile thing that weakens at you standing up for yourself. Truth be told it was somewhat refreshing seeing that you are capable of doing such a thing. I truly didn’t know if you had it in you.” She leans back on her chair watching as the cogs in his brain are trying to understand what is currently happening. 

“I-I’m sorry was that a compliment or an insult I’m a little confused here.” 

She chuckles while also rolling her eyes. Of course he doesn’t.  
  


“It was meant to come across as a compliment but I suppose it’s a little of both. I don’t hand those very often so you should consider yourself lucky.”

“Sooo you’re telling I shouldn’t apologize?” Nick asks with pure confusion choosing to ignore the confirmation of an insult. Miranda hasn’t been this directly ‘nice’ before and it’s only slightly unsettling. Mostly because he doesn’t understand why now. 

“If you wish to continue with your apology then go ahead by all means I won't stop you. All I was saying is that you don’t need to.”

He thinks for a moment.

“Miranda, can I ask you something? Please don’t take it the wrong way and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to!” He speaks up after a bit and frantically speaks midway.

“But why are you being...nice? Again not saying that you can’t be or anything! I’m not trying to insult you really I just am not accustomed to this side of you is all!” Nicholas panickingly states and continues to dig himself a hole before Miranda quickly interjects him by raising her hand to grab his attention and signalling for him to stop.

The brief period of time as Nicholas began spewing words gave Miranda time to think. Why was she being kind? Not that she isn’t capable of it but not many people get that luxury. She thinks on it harder. Maybe it’s because she knows this may be taxing on him mentally considering all that has happened. Or perhaps she feels guilty for not telling him the whole truth with certain operations when he has been nothing but completely honest. Which then brings the question: why does she care what he thinks of her or their relationship? They’re associates at best and she didn’t bother with most besides perhaps Jacob and that’s only because they dated for a brief period of time and remained good friends unless... She stops that train of thought from going further and noticed Nick looking at her nervously. Apparently she had been quiet for a while as she was dissecting what this could mean.

“Miranda you don’t have to answer if you don’t wish to.” Nick spoke with some concern.

‘ _So bloody considerate._ ’ She thought to herself as it irritated her in a way that wasn’t entirely bad.

“You just caught me off guard Nicholas. I wasn’t expecting that out of all the possible things you could have asked me.” She said as she was buying herself some time to think of a reason.

“Oh I understand now. I’m sorry to spring the question on you like that.” He raised from his chair realizing maybe he is putting too much pressure and he probably shouldn’t have made it such a big deal. 

“Sit back down Nicholas it’s rather rude leaving mid conversation.” She said in a manner for him to know she was only half serious.

“I’m aware but I don’t want you to feel pressured to answer Miranda. If you don’t have an answer that’s fine because it doesn’t matter because in the end I appreciate it regardless.” He states as he gives her a warm smile.

“And if you do have one I’ll be happy to hear it but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” 

Miranda inspects him. His eyes are closed and his smile seems sincere but she knows things recently haven’t been easy for him. How is he capable of pulling that off? She has read his dossier when he was first brought into the Lazarus project. According to medical reports and mental exams he had severe depression and PTSD. Then he left the alliance so his state had been unknown until he was made to do an examination before joining Cerberus. Which he passed surprisingly. She knows he’s probably avoiding thinking about it all and his constant need to apologize may be because of his guilt. To remain strong enough to put a smile and mean it. It’s impressive and sad once she thinks about it more.

The dossier also stated that he went into Liara T’soni’s service not soon after leaving the Alliance. And not shortly after that he joined Cerberus. She won’t sugarcoat it. She wasn’t the nicest to him when he first joined the project but she was focused on the job. People's personal feelings were an inconvenience and unimportant. Now realizing that even if he had wanted to talk to anyone there was no one to do that with while with them. He dedicated himself to bringing Shepard back. A hyper fixation truly. It took her forever to convince him to trust her with Shepard or that his body could be left alone as they rested. Now that it’s over. Now that he is back. Where does that leave him?

Miranda stops herself from thinking further as she tries hard not to concern herself with him.

“Nicholas I have an answer for you. I can give it to you and you will be free to go understand.” 

Nicholas nods feeling a bit of excitement knowing she has an answer for him. Not thinking she would give him one to begin with.

“Truth be told I know a lot about you and I know things have been...hectic lately. I just don’t want to put any extra stress that you clearly don’t need on your shoulders. You already have enough to deal with” Miranda answered with pure sincerity feeling rather strange being this honest with someone.

Nicholas looks at her with a face full of mixed emotions but the most clear one being gratitude. 

“I- thank you Miranda.”

Miranda feels herself blush out of embarrassment and motions for him to leave.

“We’re done here you may go now. I've had enough of this and I don’t know how much more I can deal with it honestly.”

Nicholas quickly leaves her office throwing an apology as he does so leaving Miranda alone once again with her thoughts.

‘ _Not mere acquaintances anymore it seems Lawson_ ’ Miranda thinks to herself as she tries to forget about what just happened and continues to do her work.

Her thoughts were cut short as a blushing Nick returned.

“Sorry to come back but uhm what am I supposed to do aboard? Do you have assignments for me while we’re on the Normandy?”

Miranda gives him a tired look before sighing.

“Truthfully no you do not have any. You are to help Shepard with any missions he chooses to assign you to and that is all. Whatever you wish to do with the free time is yours. Also technically you are no longer under my command but Shepard’s so I would go to him if I were you.”

“Oh. Well I guess I’ll just find people that may need my help then!” Nick says determinedly. 

‘ _Of course he will._ ’ She thinks to herself.

“Sorry to bother you again Miranda I’ll leave you alone for real this time.” Nick proceeds and as the door opens Commander Shepard is standing on the other side.

“Oh hey Nick didn’t realize you were here.” Shepard says surprised by bumping into him.

“Commander!” Nick shouts while saluting him.

“At ease you’re fine we’re not military anymore there’s no need.” Shepard explains.

“Right sorry Commander old habit you know.” He states as he relaxes and returns to his more casual stance.

Shepard smiles and pats Nick on the shoulder as he looks over Nick’s shoulder he makes eye contact with Miranda. His smile lowers only slightly, only noticed by Miranda.

“Nick you mind if I talk with Ms.Lawson here for a bit.”

Nick gives the Commander a puzzled look.

“Yeah sure I was just leaving so it’s no issue Commander. If you need me I’ll be around same goes for you Miranda.” He turns to wave her goodbye and waits for the door to close to start exploring the rest of the Normandy.

\----------------------------------------------

Nick explored most of the Normandy or at least areas where he was permitted. He met the Engineering crew which turned out to be his bunkmate Kenneth Donnelly and his friend Gabriela Daniels. Apparently they were also former Alliance who joined Cerberus mostly for Shepard and to defeat the Collectors. As far as Nick could tell Ken seemed a rowdy sort but smart when it came to ships and engineering in general. Gabriella was far more mellow and responsible but seemed to put up with Ken’s antics. ‘It must be nice having a friend along.’ Nick thought to himself as he found himself at the lowest level of the ship where the crew would prep for missions.

As he looked around he managed to find a crate on the ground. He pushed it gently with his biotics to the closest wall and rested. He leaned against the wall closing his eyes and taking in the silence and the low hum of the Normandy engine. He took a deep breath and exhaled as he finally had time alone with his thoughts. Everything he had been holding in up until now came rushing at him all at once. Through his closed eyes tears fell and he felt his chest grow heavy. He clutched where his heart would be and sobbed silently to himself. ‘ _Liara we did it. We did it. We did it._ ’ he continued to chant as he leaned on his knees placing his hands on the back at his neck as he pulled on his hair. “We did it.” he says through sobs his breathing becoming shallow as taking breaths in between his crying was getting difficult. He didn’t know how long he had been crying. Eventually he grew quiet as the crying became snivels.

He felt numb after. Now sitting on the floor next to the crate he lazily leant on the wall. His hands were red from clenching them tightly but now loosely hanging in between his legs. His throat dry and his eyes trained only straight ahead of him. He sat there unmoving. 

‘ _This sucks._ ’ He chuckled at himself. He looked down at his omnitool and noticed Liara hadn't tried to contact him since he told her of Shepard.

‘ _Must be busy or she already knew. Figures._ ’ Nick’s eyes moved around the rest of the area not really taking in or focusing on anything.

‘ _I’m so tired. I wish we didn’t have to do this. Why do we have to do this again? Wasn’t saving the Galaxy once enough._ ’ He sighed and turned his eyes up to the ceiling.

‘ _Damn it Shepard._ ’ He closed his eyes as he began to rest. Nearly falling asleep a voice woke him.

[Mr.Dawson the Commander wishes you to prepare for departure. You will be arriving at the Citadel. ETA 30 minutes.]

Nick jolted at the sound of EDI suddenly and rubbed his eyes hoping the drowsiness would go away.

“Oh uh thanks for the heads up EDI.” As he raised to begin preparing he realized something.

“EDI!” 

It took several seconds before he heard a response.

[Yes Mr.Dawson?]

“Did you see me...you know?” He asked nervously wondering if she witnessed his slight breakdown.

EDI once again took a while longer to respond which only made him more nervous.

[Yes.]

“EDI please don’t tell anyone what you just saw please!” Nick begged as he really didn’t want anyone to know. Dr.Chakwas and Miranda coming to mind.

[Of course.]

He sighed a sigh of relief trusting EDI wouldn’t say anything. Lying on an exam to see if you are ok is easy if you know what responses they are looking for. An AI however that is a little hard to lie to but he hopes she’s trustworthy enough. He made his way towards the elevator to go gather his gear he left in his quarters when he remembered.

‘The Citadel? I wonder why we’re going there for?’

\----------------------------------------------------------------

On the way towards the Citadel Nick was on his way towards the docking port when Jacob saddled up next to him.

“So how did it go?” Jacob asked, noticing how tired Nick seemed.

“How did what go?” He responded while adjusting his gloves as they continued walking.

“The conversation with Miranda? I haven’t heard from you since then. Was it that bad?” Jacob says with a hint of concern. He knew if those two don’t get along it would make missions more difficult.

Finishing up with the straps of his gloves Nick answered.

“Right sorry. Don’t worry Miranda and I are fine. She was…” Nick thought of whether he should talk about how kind and understanding she was but decided better not to. “Understanding so I’ll take that as a win in my book.”

“Nice!” Jacobs flashed him a smile and gave him a pat in the back as they caught up with Shepard and Miranda who were both waiting for them.

Miranda, like Jacob, also noticed Nick’s tired state but chose not to ask. At least not now anyway.

“Ah how nice of you both to join us?” She lightly chastises.

“C’mon Miranda we’re not even fully docked yet.” Jacob defended the both of them not knowing if she was joking or not.

“I’m aware Jacob.”

Shepard who had been silently watching the interactions between the three of them can tell there is a trust and familiarity between them. Reminds him of himself,Ashley, and Jacob which brought a small smile to his face. Upon closer inspection he finally noticed the tired look in Nicholas’ eyes.

“Dawson.” Shepard called.

Nick brought himself to attention and looked towards the Commander and began walking to him with more spring to his step. Miranda began to turn to face Shepard but realized he had called for Nick.

‘ _Oh this is going to get tiring very quickly._ ’ She told herself as she stopped before it was noticeable and resumed talking to Jacob. Their last names being so familiar never posed a problem but now she can definitely see this will be an issue, an annoying one, if anything.

“Yes Commander.” Nick did a quick salute as he stopped in front of her Shepard.

“You look tired. Are you sure you want to come along? You can just-” 

Nick quickly interrupted not letting him finish.

“No! I’m coming along. I'll rest once we’re done here uh sir.” Nick’s fire quickly dwindled as he noticed he was rather brash with his response.

Shepard gave him a quick look over and just nodded. 

“Don’t go pushing yourself past your limit, do you understand? Rest when you need to or else Chakwas will have my neck.” Shepard joked to make the situation more lighter.

“Heh sure thing Commander. I won’t” He responded feeling at ease.

“Yeah man don’t pass out on us or the Doctor will be the least of your worries.” Jacob joked as he slapped him on the back. Nick looked confused towards him before turning to Miranda. She did not seem amused and he then realized what Jacob meant.

“Yeah. Right, heh...” He laughed nervously as they finally docked onto the Citadel.


End file.
